Tuesday, March 06, 2012

4 Rules for Initial Attachment -- Rule #2

Our social worker, a woman with over 25 years of International Adoption experience, suggested that we keep others away from our then 2 year old and try to settle in for a few months. She called the first 6 months crucial for bonding and attachment. She suggested a few basic rules. Today, I am highlighting rule # 2.

2- No one should hold your child but you. That means NO ONE.

Your child, in spite of your best efforts, will likely still not really see you as Mom and Dad, even after spending long weeks with him in country. He may be beginning to like you, and perhaps even trust you, but you are still relative strangers who likely don't even speak the same language he does. Therefore, do not confuse him or upset him by allowing him to think others may now be a caregiver.

In some cases, children appear to prefer a new comer over the new parent. This can be detrimental for bonding and attachment on both sides. Therefore, remember, HANDS OFF. No holding, loving, hugging, by anyone but you.

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